A deep pitfall lined with conveyer-type rollers that convert the frantic movements of an entrapped wild beast into clean, renewable electricity.
BACKGROUND OF INVENTION
Tribal peoples around the world are no longer content with ancient pastimes. Activities that appealed to their forefathers, like blow-darting marsupials, neck stretching, donning penis gourds, pale in comparison to the exciting and addictive activities of the west. They now demand our modern entertainment and conveniences, and they require the electricity it takes to run them. In order to meet this demand, we need to develop alternative energy sources using local resources. The current invention will supply limitless wattage to underdeveloped areas by humanely exploiting local wildlife. The “manpower” for these devices will be provided by medium-to-large animals that stumble into the pitfall. As the beasts scramble to escape the trap, they drive roller-style electrical generators. The animals also benefit from this high-intensity, low-impact aerobic workout.
“I’m very glad the world’s major problems are now solved, so those of us who’ve been working on them can get back to drinking, sleeping, and so on!” – Bill McKibben, author, environmentalist, founder of350.org
A sunscreen used for generating solar electric power.
Background of Invention
If your dermatologists jumped off of a bridge, would you jump, too? For years, the medical establishment has been hounding us to use more sunscreen. The principles of sunscreen are simple and seemingly innocuous: a lotion containing small reflective particles is applied to the skin, where it deflects the sun’s harmful rays away from the body. Unfortunately, sunscreen presents some serious health risks of its own. For instance, those rays that are reflected away from your body present serious health risks to bystanders’ bodies by way of secondhand UV Exposure. Also, by reflecting the sun’s hot rays back upward into the earth’s atmosphere, your skin surface contributes to global warming and the slow demise of humankind. Fortunately, the present invention employs a modified sunscreen that safely absorbs these hazardous rays and converts them into clean electricity. By replacing the sunscreen’s reflective particles with nano solar panels, the sun’s rays are safely captured and converted to electricity. And by substituting the sunscreen’s lotion with electrically conductive fluid, the electrical charge is free to travel over the skin’s surface until needed. AC/DC patches affixed to the body draw the electricity out of the SolarScreen, where the current can be used to operate local electronic devices and appliances. Insulated boots and gloves, and a rubberized beach towel ensure safe application of this product.
“Mr. Von Giesler has, for better or worse, applied the principles of open sourcing to the patent process. His cavalier vision is a world free from patent attorneys, licensing, patent examining fees, and, unfortunately, regard for public safety.” – Fernando Cota, formerU.S. Patent Examiner
The legendary Al Jaffee – award-winning cartoonist, satirist, MAD Magazine Fold-In creator – has written the foreword for my book un-vention-al. I’m honored beyond words.
Excerpt: “… a fun-filled, well-written, illustrated guide to solving all our problems…un-vention-al tackles, with wit and invention, the serious problems coming our way as the world’s population explodes and its resources implode.”
For generations my family has been improving the quality of life for individuals through our patents. It all began with Tobias van Geelen, my grandfather. He was the impressive man who invented the Waterfowl Cloak for the army in 1932.
In 1968, the year I was born, mother invented Baby Wrap. Many believe this invention laid the groundwork for modern disposable diapers. And so it seemed destined from the moment of my birth that I, too, would one day invent great things.
I was a very inquisitive child, spending all of my free time experimenting in the family laboratory. Even before I could write a patent myself, I had already invented the Baby Brother Vanishing Ray at the age of 6…
In 2003 I collaborated with a Brazilian firm on my brainchild. My See No. Hair No. Smell No. device, a clean-burning butane ear hair removal system, was a cosmetological breakthrough. My future looked bright.
Then, in a sudden burst of clarity, I realized I had lost sight of the proverbial “forest” for all of its litigious “trees.” I wasn’t put on this planet to save people; I was put on this planet to save planets. (Besides, planets don’t sue people – people sue people.) My mission became crystal clear: fix the forest, not the trees. And all I would need is a global team to bring this ambitious enterprise to fruition.